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The Times
  • Jim Hillibish: Shhh! We, the people, are thinking

  • Please, don’t interrupt. I’m wracking my brain neurons over my next petition to Barack, my good buddy. I think today’s will be “Move Florida Weather to Ohio Instantly (No Hurricanes).”

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  • Please, don’t interrupt. I’m wracking my brain neurons over my next petition to Barack, my good buddy. I think today’s will be “Move Florida Weather to Ohio Instantly (No Hurricanes).”
    The First Amendment allows us such notions and the right to publicly express them without fear of commitment to a mental facility. There’s now reinforcement of this in a very sociable way.
    We can imagine the folks at the White House were weary and wary. Each day, the postal carrier delivered a truckload of petitions. The customary procedure is to check the sender’s name against the campaign donors’ list and toss petitions from all who are not familiar.
    The worry is, a worthy petition might hide and be missed -- say, a perfect campaign theme or perhaps an obesity-cured child to sit at Michelle’s photo op.
    But wait. A laser idea turned on in a staff meeting: Why not convert this landfill liability into a political asset? Why not actually encourage our citizenry to petition us? Why not post the missives on the Internet and allow the world to vote on them?
    It’s now playing on a slick Web site at petitions.whitehouse.gov.
    Some 250 are posted, and the voting has started. The non-negotiable but balanced rules state that if a petition earns 100,000 online signatures (similar to “likes” on Facebook), somebody at the White House will read it and “perhaps” issue a response.
    To stay on the list, you need 150 signatures in 30 days. Otherwise, Dumpsterville.
    Already, Barack has issued a response to the wildly popular Petition on Limiting Gun Violence. Well, actually his PR shop simply recycled his YouTube video on the concept, but it is a response. He’s for it.
    The petitions are all over the map, including a serious one on the Alliance Q92 radio gaffe involving a Down syndrome victim. All petitions start as local petitions.
    The ratio of sanity to insanity of these is about the same as for other social media.
    Here, the White House is playing a neat trick. Instead of their sorting the mail, we citizens do the deep searching for intelligent life. I vote for the New York squirrels and National Hernia Day.
    We, the People, are thinking again.
    Online Petitions to the White House
    - Have FCC Revoke Q92 Radio Privileges in Alliance, Ohio, for Exploiting an Individual with Down Syndrome: 668 signatures
    - Light Up the White House for International Day of Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia Awareness on April 19: 1,939
    - Halt the Holly, N.Y., Fire Department Squirrel Slaughter: 1,093
    - Stop Genocide of Whites: 152
    - Test Preparation Can Violate Civil Rights of Students: 437
    Page 2 of 2 - - Refuse, Refrain and Reject the “R” Word: 2,965
    - Save the Navy Blue Angels from Sequestration: 425
    - Support War on Global Warming Bonds: 896
    - Change This Fine Nation’s National Anthem to the Theme from “My Little Pony”: “Friendship is Magic”: 4,995
    - Make Federal Housing Finance Agency Director Ed DeMarco Personally Call 10 Underwater Homeowners a Day: 2,152
    - Fund a War on Aging: 549
    - Establish Lunar New Year as a National Holiday: 37,585
    - Please Help Me with My Visa I Need for Meet with My Girlfriend. Regards from Turkey: 669
    - Provide Military Service Animals the Dignity of a Soldier’s Burial: 2,657
    - Declare Gun Appreciation Day: 1,899
    - Declare the Monday Following the Super Bowl a National Holiday: 16,940
    - Recognize International Talk Like a Pirate Day Sept. 19: 2,749
    - Get Rid of Petitions.WhiteHouse.gov: 1,122

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